


Pathos

by Asterous (Arariel)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bodyswap, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25058620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arariel/pseuds/Asterous
Summary: In the wake of his 23rd birthday, Jim Kirk opened his eyes ready for another boring day of class, only to find out that he was no longer in his room. As a matter of fact, he was not even in his body.A.K.A The soulmate AU where Jim and Spock swap bodies in a desperate try for part of the universe to stop Nero. Inspired by the movie Kimi no Na Wa/Your name.
Relationships: Amanda Grayson/Sarek, James T. Kirk/Spock, Stonn/T'Pring (Star Trek)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 89
Collections: T’hy’la Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

No matter what the rumour mill might have said, Jim Kirk was not one to enjoy getting drunk in bars. There had been very dark times in his past in which his need to forget surpassed his need for control, but he liked to think such moments were things of the past. And so, the night of his 23rd birthday saw him and Bones practically cuddling despite Bones’ protests at the term, so that they could fit in Jim’s single bed rewatching old episodes of one of his favourite retro shows, Avatar: The Last Airbender, which Bones ended up enjoying despite being against it because “you want me to watch a show for kids from two centuries ago?!”.  
“This is it,” Jim thought, staring at his reflection in the mirror. The moment that Bones had been anticipating since the day they had met aboard the shuttle. The moment his sanity had finally decided that it was done with constantly being unappreciated and left for good, in search of someone who did not take them for granted.  
It had taken every ounce of his, admittedly scarce, self-control to not let a horrified scream pierce the air when a stranger’s face greeted Jim in the mirror. Gone were the familiar blue eyes and blonde hair that had helped him flirt his way out of trouble more times than he cared to count. They had been replaced by what, based on the eyebrows and the characteristic pointy ears, appeared to be a Vulcan one. It looked fairly young, around his own age, but you could never be certain with Vulcans. Black hair cut in a bowl cut and brown eyes that were startlingly human. Or maybe that was just his overwhelmed mind projecting, trying to find something familiar to grasp onto amidst this surreal experience.  
Going back to the unknown room where he had woken into, Jim tried to find any clues that led to any insight as to how he had ended up in another body, but the search yielded little results. There was a bookshelf brimming with books, most of which were written in what appeared to be Vulcan, with very few of them in Standard. The rest of the room was occupied by a spartan desk and a closet filled with sturdy, dark clothing, which made sense considering the coldness that characterized the planet. A trait malicious tongues claimed its inhabitants had inherited.  
“Spock, are you feeling unwell? It is almost noon, you never sleep this late,” the female voice carried a worried tinge interrupted his musings.  
Unsure as to how best proceed, he slowly turned around to face the owner of the voice: a woman standing at the door that he had failed to hear being open, as engrossed as he had been trying, with no avail, to figure out what the hell was going on. He had not ruled all of this being some kind of bizarre dream conjured up by his mind. Who knew, maybe now he was allergic to sleep as well?  
“I,” think, think, think. “Was tired?”  
“Really Jim? That was the best you could come up with?” the Bones inside his head drawled.  
“From what?” the woman was unimpressed as well. “Breathing too much?”  
“I...”  
“If you are feeling well,” a suspicious frown marred her human face. “Then you should be heading to the VSA, but if I discover that you are sick after all...”  
Jim gulped when she didn’t finish the sentence. This was a scary lady and he would not want to be on her bad side.  
Wait, what was the VSA? His head was spinning due to the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. The last straw, however, was when he saw himself in the whole-body mirror next to the closet. Something about the serious, impassible Vulcan features clashing with the cheerful Doctor Who pyjamas launched him into a giggle fit. They even had mini TARDISes on them!  
Once he managed to get his hysteria under control, Jim was faced with what to do next. f this was not a hallucination, and that was a big if, he had to accept the possibility of Spock being in his body right now. Which meant that they had to have switched bodies, but why? And why had it happened to the two of them?  
Jim shook his head, trying to clear his mind. Maybe a quick shower would make things better? He grabbed some clean clothes from the closet to change into, after all, he had to go to the VSA, wherever that was. Once inside the bathroom Jim realized that there was something he had failed to take into consideration: he had to get naked in order to take a shower. He could feel the heat starting to pool around his cheeks at the thought. Trying his best to respect the other’s privacy as well as getting clean without killing himself due to an unfortunate slip, he half-closed his eyes and tried to be as quick as possible(though judging by the size of the other, he had very little to be embarrassed about. He wondered if that was common amongst Vulcans or something in which Spock exceeded expectations. Bad Jim! Put some clothes on right now and get out of the bathroom!)  
A well-lit corridor was the first thing that greeted him outside the bedroom. The floor seemed to be made out of wood, though it was most certainly artificial. After a couple of minutes of walking, he arrived at what appeared to be a living room. There were a couple of comfortable-looking sofas and some armchairs. It looked...barren would be the aptest word to describe it. It was a recurring feeling throughout the house as if it had not been lived in. A shiver ran down his spine as memories of a younger Jimmy, trapped in a house that had never been a home sprung to the front of his mind.  
“Spock! What are you doing standing there?” and there came the disapproving look. “I thought you had drowned in the shower with how long it took you to come downstairs. You will have to eat your breakfast quickly if you wish to make it on time for your appointment with T’Pring.”  
Trailing after her like an obedient duckling, Jim sat down on one of the chairs around the isle of the kitchen.  
“Your father has already had breakfast and is now meditating but will join you in ten minutes. He has some business to attend in the VSA as well, so you will be able to enjoy each other’s company on the way” there was something unnerving about her pleasant expression as if there was a command hidden between her words to enjoy each other’s company...or else.  
And after ten exact minutes of the big clock framed in the wall in front of him, a serious-looking Vulcan, which, yeah, was kind of an oxymoron, entered the kitchen as well. He did not say anything and just stood there looking until Jim finished eating. It made the bland soup even harder to swallow.  
When he was done, he and his father walked side by side, and not even the memory of the artfully crafted threat from earlier was enough to compel him to try and struck up a conversation. The streets, though filled with people, were quiet, with none of the commotion so characteristically present in San Francisco. The VSA, or Vulcan Science Academy, as it proclaimed proudly in big bold golden letters, was an imposing compound of buildings, bigger than Starfleet Academy, with a certain air of grandiosity that emulated that of an ancient temple.  
Jim was left to his own devices as soon as they crossed the huge metallic entrance doors, his fake father walking away without a backward glance. All right, he could do this. He just needed to figure out where to go…and what to do. Disoriented Jim wandered around, unsure as to which direction to follow.  
“Spock” Jim looked around, trying to see... Oh, yeah, he was Spock! “Whatever it is that you are wandering in the hall that requires your complete attention instead of working on your thesis?”, the other Vulcan managed to be emotionless and deeply disapproving all at once.  
“I was just…”  
“Yes?”  
“Lost in my very deep thoughts?” Jim tried, wincing inside.  
“I better see those very deep thoughts of yours reflected in your work, then” Jim had no idea that Vulcans could be so threatening, like, sure they were stronger physically than most known species, but he had always thought of them as fairly harmless. Gulping, he nodded frantically.  
He faithfully followed who he assumed was T’Pring based on the comments of that morning, until they arrived at a corridor filled with three identical black doors next to each other on one side, and another two doors on the other.  
“As we established beforehand, we will meet after consuming our meals”, she opened the door closest to her and disappeared inside, but changed her mind and reappeared before closing the door behind her. “On second thought, you seem far too distracted today to be left to your own devices. I do not think it would be wise to leave you alone, so I will allow you to share my space of study with me.”  
“Spock, T’Pring” saved by the figurative bell.  
“Stonn” T’Pring nodded.  
Unsure as to how to proceed, he gave a jerky nod of his own. Luckily, that seemed to be good enough.  
“I trust that your research is progressing adequately, Spock”  
“Most adequately” bullshitted Jim. “I just made some promising that require my immediate attention”  
He tried to get away but was stopped by T’Pring’s dry “Your study room is next to mine”  
“I was just testing your reflexes,” he tried to open the door to her right.  
“Yours is the one at the left” there was no way in hell that she did not suspect that something was wrong.  
“Still testing you”. She was definitely Not Amused.  
A sigh of relief escaped his lips as soon as the heavy door closed behind him. The study room was wide, easily twice the size of the dorm Bones and he shared. The floors were made of rich, mahogany wood, with darker bookshelves covering almost all the entirety of the walls. A simple, functional desk was next to a big window that completed the period look of the room, which could have easily been Mister Darcy’s studio.  
Curious, he sat down on the hard chair that accompanied the desk. Seriously, where Vulcans are allergic to comfortable chairs? A pile of papers was resting neatly on the right corner. What harm could there be in taking just a quick peek? After all, both Stonn and T’Pring seemed to be familiar with whatever Spock’s work was. And for the moment, Jim had decided that the most prudent course of action would be to act like the person this body, this life belonged to. Who knew how long he’d be stuck here? Or if it was temporary or permanent?  
Jim was surprised to find out that Spock’s research was on antimatter, as most of the scientific community had decided that they had already obtained everything they needed from it, after having harnessed it to produce the energy required for space travel amongst other things.  
As his reading progressed, his awe over the other’s mind just kept on progressing. Jim had always been fascinated by the mere concept of antimatter, the same as ordinary matter but with opposite electric charge. And the way a particle and its antiparticle annihilated one another when they came into contact. There was a beauty of its own in the asymmetry of it all. It seemed that Spock was in the process of trying to answer a question that was still a mystery even in the 23rd Century: why was there so little antimatter that was not artificially created in the universe? After the Big Bang, all studies so far agreed that there had been an equal quantity of matter and its counterpart, but no one had found a reasonably satisfactory explanation as to why it had happened. Spock’s papers, though, had come closer than any of the numerous published books that Jim had read on the subject. He got lost in the brilliance of it until a soft knock on the door distracted him from his reverie.  
“Come in”  
“It seems that you have forgotten that it is time for our break” T’Pring informed him.  
Jim nodded (if he didn’t speak he couldn’t mess anything up, right?) and carefully reordered the pages, leaving them in the same corner he had found them, before standing up and resume his stellar role as an obedient little duckling.  
The cafeteria of the VSA was a far cry from that of Starfleet Academy, with its lack of noise and the food precisely distributed in individual metallic trays. Today’s menu included another bland-looking white soup, roasted eggplant, and an apple. Thinking of apples always made him smile, so he had to make a conscious effort to conceal his mirth at reminiscing that time where he created a barrier entirely made of applet outside his dorm room while Bones was in class. After all, apples were the kryptonite of doctors, as everyone knows.  
Sitting down, T’Pring and Stonn, who had joined them while they waited in line, ate in silence, not being ones for small talk. Gulping nervously, Jim ate his food, trying to figure out how he would make it through the day without arising any more suspicion.


	2. Chapter 2

Spock made a conscious effort to avoid blinking, trying to take in as much of his surrounding as he could. Not only was he in a completely foreign environment, but he was also faced with a stranger sleeping in the minuscule uncomfortable looking bed next to the equally confining one he had woken in.   
His back cracked and ached in foreign places. As if that was that was not unsettling enough, once he accessed the barely-there bathroom, what greeted him was another stranger. Spock was now a full-human, or at least, this body was.   
Every single one of his Vulcan genes and years of discipline and ruthless self-repression came into motion then to avoid being overturned by the flood of chemical reactions on his brain that resulted in emotions. The human blonde blue-eyed face that stared back at him in the mirror, though undoubtedly aesthetically pleasing, was by no means any close to what Spock’s natural face looked like.   
He could see the rising sun starting to make its first appearance through the window of the room, since he had not closed the bathroom door. The snoring man was hit in the face with a ray of sunlight, which prompted him to grunt as if he was some kind of wild, savage animal, before deciding to follow a truly remarkable strategy with the scope of avoiding the light: covering his face with the blanket. Humans truly were the culmination of thousands of years of evolution.   
The most logical path would be to gather as much information regarding his new surroundings, it would be helpful to ascertain what had happened. And so, he decided to venture out of the room to try to determine his exact location. That was the first measure of his seven-step plan to return to his body.  
Spock came across with a giant Starfleet insignia almost in an immediate manner. Looking around, he recognised Starfleet Academy from the images he had come across during the research done before ultimately deciding to attend the VSA. Which meant that there was an 87.381percent possibility of the body he was currently in belonging to a student, based on its apparent age. This added merit to the theory of this being a switching of conscience in detriment of it being his first dream, caused by a resurgence of his human genes. He did not want to attract any sort of extraordinary attention, so he had to figure out not only its identity, but also where this body was supposed to be at this moment. But how could he manage to do so?  
“Hey, Jimmy, shouldn’t you be in your Advanced Physics class right now?” a warm hand clasped his shoulder, causing Spock to flinch against the unexpected physical contact. Vulcans were touch telepaths, and as such, tried to limit physical contact as much as possible, to try and preserve its sanctity.   
Turning his head slightly to his right, he saw that the hand belonged to a Starfleet Captain, judging by the uniform. Was he a teacher at the Academy? Or perhaps some relative of sorts? After all, he had referred to him as Jimmy which indicated a certain grade of closeness.   
“Jimmy? Are you alright? You seem a little bit distracted. And while I know that we are lenient when it comes to wearing the cadet uniform, that doesn’t mean you can wear that” he scrunched his nose.  
Mortified, Spock realised that he was wearing some very old leggings that had seen better days and a shirt that was reminiscent of cheese with all the holes it had.   
“I assure you, sir, that I am in complete possession of my mental faculties” that was inconspicuous enough, right?   
“Well, if you are sure” he still sounded uncertain.   
“I am, sir” Spock tried to project as much confidence as he could.  
“Then you should go change quickly or you will be late for your first class. And don’t forget that we’re having lunch today at my office.”  
After nodding in acquiescence, he strode quickly back to the bedroom, to change the distasteful outfit into the much more appropriate cadet uniform. And if in doing so, he realised that the fetching charm of the blonde-eyed cadet was not limited to his face, well, Spock had always been good at repression.  
“Jim! Late for class again? You know, someday your pretty face won’t be enough to save you from detention.” although the words were accompanied with a laugh, the look in the eyes of the male human who had stopped him in the hallway contradicted its playful tone.  
“Mitchell, you’ll be late for your class if you don’t get going.”   
“Harsh as always, Uhura.”  
She paid him no attention, looking pointedly at Spock and walking past the both of them. He was quick to follow her, not to queen to being left alone with Mitchell.  
“I don’t know how you manage to tolerate him, Kirk.”  
Despite her question, she did not seem to be waiting for an answer, which was a relief seeing as he did not have one. Something about her demeanour was reminiscent of T’Pring.   
“Try to not fall asleep again.” were her parting words once they were next to a lecture room.  
If there was something that Spock could not tolerate that was ignorance, especially if it came from those who were supposed to teach. And commander Smith, but you can call me John, was astonishingly incompetent. And emotionally fragile as well, for he had burst into tears in the middle of Spock’s correction. Perhaps he had been a tad too harsh, but kind of instructor was the other man if he could not accept constructive criticism?  
Not only that, but he had been sent to the office of the same Captain that had greeted him that morning, apparently named Pike, who was looking at him with disapproval written all over his face.  
“Do you want to tell me why the hell did you do that?!”  
“I do not know what you are referring to, sir, I was merely giving some pointers to Mister Smith on his teaching style and his…interpretation…of the principles of astrophysics.”  
“You made the man cry, Jimmy!”, yes, Spock had miscalculated how emotionally weak the average human was when confronted with the truth. His mother had always been a pinnacle of fortitude, far stronger and dignified than John.   
“If he is unable to handle constructive criticism then I do not think that teaching is going to be his forte…Nor actual understanding of physics or any other subject that requires a minimum of intellectual capacity.”  
“You told him, and I’m quoting you verbatim here, that he would be extremely lucky if he could find an infant child who would be gullible enough to believe a word he was saying!”  
“And none of that was untrue.”  
“I know you have been complaining about his teaching since day one. But you know that you being smart does not justify psychologically damaging your teachers. I thought that we had reached an agreement after the eleventh teacher that quiet because of you. You lay low on classes, and keep up your stellar grades and you’ll be aboard the Enterprise as soon as you graduate.”   
Spock blinked, trying to come up with an answer.  
“Yeah, yeah, don’t give me the puppy eyes. You know they don’t work with me” Captain Pike squinted his eyes, as if to avoid sunlight. “You don’t have any more classes until the afternoon, so why don’t you go back to your room until it’s time for lunch?” his voice made it clear that it was not a question.   
“Are you…grounding me sir?”, maybe grounding their offspring, because it was obvious that Pike and Jim shared a familiar bond even after they were adults was more common around humans than he thought? Amanda Grayson certainly subscribed to that belief.  
“If that is how you want to think about it, then yes, I am grounding you.”   
“But…”   
“James Tiberius Kirk, I want you back into your room right now. And I do not want to see you out of there until tomorrow, to say the least. Are we clear?”   
Something about the man in that moment reminded Spock of his mother, which prompted him to nod his head and obey.   
Back in the room, Spock was relieved to find that the stranger from that morning was not in the room any longer. Why was Kirk’s name so familiar? Of course! George Kirk's name had been spread throughout the universe. Starfleet had been eager to turn him into a martyr, a hero who sacrificed his life to save his wife and unborn son, along with the lives of most of the crew. James must have been that child, who had been born prematurely on space. But then, that meant that Captain Pike was not his father, which made no sense. Maybe James was Pike’s protégé? He had alluded to James serving under him on the Enterprise, which Spock assumed was another one of Starfleet ships.   
Mediation was needed to preserve Spock’s already failing emotional balance. He was able to enjoy a couple of hours of tranquillity before his peace was interrupted by a soft knock on the door.  
“Jimmy? It’s time for lunch, we can go to grab a burger from the place you like so much…What are you doing?”  
“Meditating” answered Spock from the ground where he had sat down.   
“Since when do you meditate? As a matter of fact, since when are you able to sit still for more than three seconds?”  
“I have started to appreciate the worth in just sitting down and spending some time in silence.”  
“Have you now?” Pike’s whole demeanour exuded scepticism, before he seemed to give up, and shook his head, “Anyway, burgers!”   
“Can we ingest something less…meaty?”   
“But you love burgers.”   
“I do” it was not a lie, right? He was in James’ skin, and James did love burgers. What would a human say? “But I am… not in the mood for a burger right now?”   
“And what are you in the mood for, then?”   
“Something vegetarian?”   
“Okay, where is Bones? You’re starting to worry me.”   
“Bones?” oh! that must be the name of the stranger in the other bed. Who in their right state of mind would name their child Bones? “He is in class?”   
In that moment, Spock felt his stomach rumble, and his cheeks started to emanate heat.  
“Well, let’s feed you before your stomach decides to eat itself.”   
Lunch was, very much to his surprise, quite pleasant. Captain Pike was a very engaging human, with what appeared to be an endless supply of patience whenever Spock acted not so human.  
Back in his room, Bones, greeted him with a grunting.   
“Is it true that you caused one of your teachers to have a meltdown? I thought you and Pike had that weird agreement so that you could set foot on that flying death-trap that you call spaceship?”  
“Captain Pike and I do indeed have such an agreement, one that I intend to honour in the future.”  
“Why are you talking like that? Let me guess, you were reading one of your period novels again. Jane Austen again? Because I do not care what you say, Mister Darcy is just another rich jerk and I will kill you if you start another one of your lovestruck rants”  
“Mister Darcy is far more than another stereotypical “rich jerk”. He is an overly complex character who is deeply wounded by the depth of his feelings and his inability to navigate them.”  
“You just think that because you have a crush on him.”  
“I most certainly do not!” Spock was indignant, he was a Vulcan, and Vulcans did not crush, they were above such sentimental foolish things  
“Of course, you do, deeply wounded by the depth of his feelings. That is what you are going with? That’s just code for you wanting to marry him and have his fictional babies.”  
“I do not want that! It is not even possible! Not only is Mister Darcy a fictional character, therefore not real, human men cannot have children.”  
“Don’t try to distract me with your technicalities. Jim and Darcy, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G” he sang.  
“Has anyone ever told you that you are one of the most frustrating human beings in existence?”  
“Aw, Jim, you always say the sweetest things to me.”  
Spock felt one of his eyes starting to twitch. James Kirk had his deepest sympathies for having to put out with such a nuisance every day.


	3. Chapter 3

Taking a deep sigh, Jim was forced to confront that this had not been, as he had considered the previous day once he had woken up in his own body, an isolated incident, for here he was, back at Vulcan.  
The day before could only be qualified as confusing. A heartfelt sigh made his way out of Jim’s chest. He was once again back into Spock’s body, so there went the possibility of this being just some random incident that had crossed his mind the day before once he woke up back into his own body.   
Shaking his head, he grabbed his clothes from the closet and headed into the bathroom to take a shower. A long one, while he tried to clear out his conflicted thoughts, as much as that was possible. Yes, he was, as Bones put it, a trouble magnet, but this was a whole different league. He had never heard of anything remotely similar happening before. And he could not tell Pike or Bones because both of them would, well, they would probably believe him, but Jim did not want this to turn into yet another thing that set him apart from everyone else. All his life, he had longed for the normalcy that had abandoned his life since the moment his father crashed the Kelvin.   
When he got out, Bones was in the second step on his daily cycle to return to the land of the living: grunting like a bear after hibernation. And like an angry bear, he charged towards the object of his anger, the sun, and lowered the blinds before dropping back into his bed and covering his head with the pillow.  
Arming himself with his pillow, he smacked Bones in the head. Ah, such were the little moments of joy that made life worth living.  
After an uncomfortable breakfast in which he had to endure everyone staring at him, which, to be honest, was something he was used to, he headed to his first class, where a new teacher was waiting, and who stared at him nervously for the rest of the day. He was really curious about what Spock had said to the poor man. While he had done a great job of tormenting teachers in the past, it seemed that Spock was on another level altogether.  
After a quick lunch, Jim decided to head to the library to see what he could find about Vulcans. Or Spock, after all, now that he thought about it, the human woman was probably Spock’s mother, and there could not be that many human-Vulcan marriages, nor hybrids. He had not thought that there would be any Vulcan hybrids of any kind, given how closed off they were.  
He knew that Vulcans, alongside with the Tellarians, Andorians and humans, had been the ones to found Starfleet, even if in the last decades their interaction with it had been dwindling more and more as time passed by. He had even heard some rumours about Vulcan abandoning the Federation for good.  
Vulcan, according to the books, had a considerably thinner atmosphere, and higher temperatures than Earth. Its climate was generally harsh, with most of the surface consisting of large deserts or mountain ranges, along with scattered small seas. Desert areas were prone to large amounts of heat, light, and electrical and firestorms. Since he had been in a Vulcan body that was probably the reason why he had not experienced the discomfort that the very few human visitors seemed to have noted.  
What was even more interesting is that in of the very few books in Vulcan biology he had managed to find, there was a whole page dedicated entirely to Spock, as he had been the first Human-Vulcan hybrid to not die as a baby, or to have been the victim of a miscarriage. Spock’s father, Sarek, was a big deal, being the Vulcan ambassador to Earth, thanks to which he had met Spock’s mother, Amanda Grayson during one of his staying’s in the planet. They had married and moved to Vulcan, where Spock had been born, three years before Jim had.  
There was barely a few paragraphs on what Vulcans had been before Surak, who was behind the precepts of logic and detachment that Vulcans were so known for, but it was quite violent and barbaric, which surprised Jim because well, those were not words he’d ever thought of associating with them. The Vulcans of now were pacifists at their core, having opted for a quiet life of contemplation and enlightenment through science.   
“Hey, Jim, I see that you are back into your natural habitat once again.”   
Gary was not what Jim would consider a friend, what with the other being so bitter about Jim’s popularity amongst the students.   
“Gary, I’m surprised to see you in here, though, with your recent grades, you certainly need all the help you can get.” He smiled beatifically and watched with glee as Gary’s face contorted with barely restrained rage.   
“As if everyone didn’t know that the only reason you get good grades is because Pike feels sorry for you.”   
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Gary.”   
The first time Gary had made accusations of the sorts, Jim had lost it. It had taken both Bones and another student to separate him from the other boy. But by now, Jim was certain that the only one responsible for his grades was himself. Pike may have a soft spot for him, as Bones had put it, but it was that same soft spot that prevented him from doing anything like improving Jim’s grades when he knew that Jim could get them by himself.  
With an offended huff, Gary left the library. By the time Jim returned to his room, it was almost midnight, and his mind was filled with an anticipatory feeling. Maybe tomorrow he’d wake up in Vulcan once again.


	4. Chapter 4

When he had been younger Spock had always strived to make everything in his power to follow the Vulcan way and everything that it entailed. It had almost cost him his relationship with his mother. But Amanda Grayson was a special human who had refused to let go of her only son, while also giving him enough freedom to figure the best path to continue his life. And that was to finish his schooling in the Vulcan Science Academy and go through the process of Kolinahr. It was the only way he would be forgiven his human blood and find peace. No matter his mother’s opinion on the subject. Ultimately, he was an adult sound of mind, and it was his life, so his mother had made her peace with it. As much as she could anyway.   
He understood that it had been logical for his father to marry a human as it solidified his position as the Ambassador to Earth, but he had never managed to figure the logic behind having a hybrid son. He assumed his mother’s sentimentalism had had something to do with the matter, but he had never found a good opportunity to confirm his hypothesis.  
He remembered the look on his father’s face when he had realised that Spock had succumbed to his most basic instincts. Instincts that had no place on Vulcan after the Surakian reform. It was a look that had fuelled a lot of his efforts to overcome his human tendency towards sentimentalism and earn his father’s respect. It was foolish to hope for his love, for Vulcans rarely did, but he would be content with his respect. He had come close during his acceptance to the Academy. As much as he could show any emotion, he supposed.   
And now, here he was, trapped inside a situation where he had to actively show those same emotions. He did not know how normal humans acted, either, since the only human he had interacted was his mother, and Spock had realised a long time ago that Amanda Grayson was a remarkable creature that could not be compared to anyone else.  
From what he had gathered in his last visit, humans were prone to sentimentalism, lacked any sense of logic whatsoever and were quick to succumb to hysterics. Speaking of hysteric people, Spock pondered the merits in letting Bones faceplant into the cereal he was supposed to be having for breakfast. Deciding that the most scientific approach was to let things play out, Spock finished his toast and enjoyed the litany of curses that followed the splash of gravity doing its job.  
“Looks like your minion is as pathetic as you”, a human male had approached their table.  
“Gary” sneered Bones, though the effect was lost due to his face being covered in cereal, “Still as bitter as always, I see”  
“McCoy, still a bootlicker, I see”  
Spock felt a surge of protectiveness towards the other human, whose real name was McCoy, which was a more conventional name. Bones was probably one of those nicknames that humans were so fond of. He may be a ridiculous, exasperating human, but only Spock could berate him for it.  
“Ugh” groaned Bones after Gary was called away, “He’s only getting worse and worse”  
“What is his problem?”  
“You know he both wants to be you and be with you at the same time and the fact that he can’t do neither one of those things just fills his little brain with rage”  
While Spock could certainly see the appeal, after all, James was as aesthetically pleasing as he was clever, but that did not excuse Gary for being so rude. And poor James had to deal with it constantly.  
“Do you know what would teach him a lesson” Spock recalled one of the stories of his mother’s youth “Prank war”. Amanda Grayson had a mischievous streak a mile wide and no tolerance for fools. Besides, prank wars, while being childish and illogical, were quite human and would help him blend in more easily.  
“That’s a great idea! Oh my God! How did we not think of it before?!” Bones was giddy with excitement, “Got any good ideas to start us off?”  
“We must start slow and progressively increase the severity of our pranks. Stealth is key to keep suspicion away from us”  
“I hear you!'' Of course he heard him, Bones did not have any hearing impairment, did he? “So, we start with the classics, itching powder, hair dye, maybe mess with his clothes a bit”  
“I was thinking more along the lines of psychological warfare. We would start by creating incidents that he will just brush aside and end up with him unable to distinguish reality from what he will perceive as fiction.”  
“Ruthless” he smiled “I like it.”  
On the other side of the cafeteria, Gary Mitchell shivered, as if he could feel that his future had just darkened quite a bit thanks to the unlikely alliance of a sadist doctor and a vengeful Vulcan.


	5. Chapter 5

Despite having anticipated it, the next time Jim opened his eyes and found himself back into a familiar strange room, it took a couple of minutes for his mind to adjust. Deciding to postpone his existential crisis for another moment, preferably one where he was back into his body and Bones could hypo spray him in case his anxiety got out of control, Jim hopped out of the bed.  
He was greeted once again by Spock’s mother, though his father was nowhere to be seen, which made sense, as an ambassador, he must have lots of work to do. After a quick, if slightly awkward, breakfast Jim was on his way to the VSA.  
The poetry book was still on the table, and upon further examination, he realised that there was a note inside of it:  
Rules for being in Spock’s body (and wasn’t that a suggestive title? Well, the Vulcan was his type, smart and cute…Now is not the time for this Jim, have a little of self-control)  
James, by now you must have realised that you and I are exchanging bodies. I will proceed to lay down some ground rules to avoid raising the suspicion of anyone in our lives. (he knew his name!)  
1) Do not display any emotion. I know that humans are overly emotional as a species so this may be difficult for you. Nonetheless, Vulcans do not show emotion, it is beneath our self-control. (yes, heaven forbid)  
2) Try to act as reserved as possible. Vulcans are reserved by nature, so this will help you to remain undetected.  
(how hard could that possibly be? All Vulcans seemed to act as if their goal in life was to spend the rest of their long lives without ever coming into contact with another form of intelligent life)  
3) Spock’s studies were his utmost priority, so any setbacks that derived from this situation were to be expected, but if James could try to interfere as little as possible with it, that would be greatly appreciated  
4) Try to avoid any contact with his parents (well, parents made him nervous, since he had no idea about what normal behaviour was when it came to parental units, so avoiding contact was his safest bet).  
5) Do all possible to avoid casting any suspicion. I know that I am repeating myself, but no one can know about this.  
So, he had figured that this was a recurring event for the foreseeable future as well. Grabbing one of the blank papers, Jim wrote a letter of his own:  
“Spock,  
I also have a couple of rules of my own. First of all, do not let neither Bones nor Pike suspect anything. Second, do not get into any problems, I am planning on becoming a Captain in a couple of years and I do not see my hard work being wasted. And that includes not making any of the teachers crying and giving them a self-worth crisis. Also, be careful because I am allergic to a ridiculous number of things, I think Bones has a list. Lastly, do not piss off Bones, or if you do make sure to tell me about it so that I can laugh at his misery as it is my privilege as his best friend to make fun of him.  
P.D. Your paper was brilliant, I am looking forward to seeing it complete. From what I have seen if there is anyone who would be able to solve this particular mystery that is you.  
P.D.D. Until we figure out what it is exactly going on, we are trapped in this situation together and I think it would be better if we cooperated to solve it as soon as possible so that we can go on with our lives as normal.”  
After folding it next to the previous one, Jim grabbed Spock’s PADD and tried to see if he could find anything that shed a little light into the situation. He found a website that referred to something similar:  
For the Japanese, who know so much and intuit more, human relations are predestined by a red string that the gods tie to the pinkie fingers of those who find each other in life. Legend has it that the two people connected by this thread will have an important story, regardless of the time, place, or circumstances. The red string might get tangled, contracted, or stretched, as surely often happens, but it can never break.  
This legend, so much more aesthetic than that of the twin souls, occurs when it is discovered that the ulnar artery connects the heart with the pinkie finger (which is the same reason why in many cultures promises are made by two people crossing their pinkies). The thin vein running from heart to hand extends through the invisible world, to end its course in someone else’s heart. But unlike other amorous superstitions, the Japanese one is not limited to couples, or a single person who one is destined to find. It speaks of a type of arterial ramification that emerges from a finger toward all those with whom we will make history and all those whom we will help in one way or another. For the ontological imagination, the myth of the red string is a way to understand our itinerary of encounters as a predetermined plot where couples’ relationships, the intimate brushes against someone, and all the little stories we crisscross with others are neither random triumphs nor accidents, but part of a scarlet tapestry whose threads were given to us when we were born but which we knit ourselves.  
One Japanese legend tells of an old man who lives on the moon and comes out every night to search among kin spirits to reunite them on Earth, who have something to learn from each other, and when he finds them he ties a red thread to them so they find their paths. Thus, our red strings end in someone else. Accepting this, or at least considering it, is a secret consolation: it is as if our steps — stubborn as they may sometimes seem — knew the route and geography of our multiple amorous destinations, and therefore there were no “slips” or poor decisions. In some other versions of the story, the old man who lives on the moon would make the kindred spirits experience each other’s lives instead.  
But it was, of course, just a silly old tale. He and Spock were not destined to meet, and they were most certainly not kindred spirits.


	6. Chapter 6

Although Spock had expected it, he was still slightly startled when he found himself out of his body again. This time, Bones was already awake.  
“Jimmy, get your lazy up from the bed now, you have to eat something before you head to your first class”  
Without answering, Spock got out of the small bed.  
“And take a shower, you reek”  
As a half-human on Vulcan, Spock had been subjected to countless attempts from his peers at humiliating him to elicit an emotional response out of him. They had only managed to do so once. But he felt his cheeks heating up at the thought of removing the clothing of a body that was not his. Which was not logical at all? The most pragmatic thing indeed would be to take a shower to remove the bodily odour accumulated from the day before. He was a Vulcan, he followed logic and his face did not heat up at the mere thought of nakedness.  
Doing his best to make the entire affair as quickly as possible, he showered and changed into more appropriate clothing. He did not think he could get away with ignoring the other man. Humans were social creatures by nature and as such required a minimum amount of social interaction to properly function. Which he had tested on his mother, however, James seemed to require far more socializing than Amanda Grayson.  
He and his forced companion had to part ways after breakfast, which was a sad affair due to the lack of Vulcan options. His roommate was a doctor studying in the medical course unlike James, who was in the command track. Also, Bones was deadly afraid of heights, which made no sense considering he was studying at Starfleet, an organisation that predominantly acted in space. He was impressed when he heard that James planned to complete the course in three years instead of the typical four years that it took to complete the course. Also, the man from the other time, Captain Pike, was a mentor of sorts for James, as he had suspected, though Bones insisted that “Pike had taken a look at you and decided to take you under his wing as the hopeless duckling that you are”  
The classes were barely challenging, which surprised him considering the amount of intellect displayed by James. He probably was bored out of his mind. Maybe he could do something to alleviate that boredom. His mother had told him again and again when he was younger that he needed to show more consideration towards others. He set up the chess game that he had found in one of James’ drawers and set it up on his table, before moving his piece and leaving it untouched until James moved a piece of his own.  
He decided to give Pride and Prejudice another reading. In doing so, he found himself sympathising once more with the woes of Mister Darcy who was unable to communicate his feelings in a way that Miss Bennet would understand. The more he seemed to try, the more misunderstood he got, to the point of Elizabeth declaring his hatred toward him in a rather cruel fashion. There was no necessity for her harshness. And the young woman seemed to realize that she had grossly misjudged Mister Darcy when he stepped in to make sure that her family would be okay. Because it was a work of fiction, both of them eventually found themselves back together, this time without any prejudices to come between them.  
He must have fallen asleep shortly after finishing the story for when he opened his eyes he was back into his own body.  
After enduring a tense dinner with his father at his mother’s insistence, he excused himself and went back to the VS. When he opened the book, he saw that James had left a note of his own:  
“Spock,  
I also have a couple of rules of my own (that did make perfect sense seeing as he would be responsible not only for James’ body, but also the others’ life). First of all, do not let neither Bones nor Pike suspect anything. Second, do not get into any problems, I am planning to become a Captain in a couple of years and I do not want to see my hard work being wasted(fair enough, Spock has asked the same so it only made sense to ensure that James academic life remained as unperturbed as possible). And that includes not making any of the teachers cry and giving them a self-worth crisis (he saw before him a bleak future in which he would have to learn how to tolerate the incompetence of those who were supposed to teach. He pitied James for having had to suffer them so far). Also, be careful because I am allergic to a ridiculous number of things, I think Bones has a list (the next time he woke up on James’ body he would inquire about the contents of that list and memorise it. Killing James by accident and with something as inconsequential as a simple food allergy would not do. He wondered what would happen should one of them die while they were not in their bodies). Lastly, do not piss off Bones, or if you do make sure to tell me about it so that I can laugh at his misery as it is my privilege as his best friend to make fun of him. (despite being half-human himself, Spock was sure that he could never manage to understand human nature. It was far too confusing and changing for him)  
P.D. Your paper was brilliant, I am looking forward to seeing it complete. From what I have seen if there is anyone who would be able to solve this particular mystery that is you. (he felt a warm feeling settle over him. He should make sure to let James know that he admired his intellect as well)  
P.D.D. Until we figure out what it is exactly going on, we are trapped in this situation together and I think it would be better if we cooperated to solve it as soon as possible so that we can go on with our lives as normal. (that would indeed be the most sensible thing to do)”


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
What neither Spock nor James knew was that there was an immediate threat hanging on the horizon for both of them.  
His name was Nero, and he had been a Romulan miner in the 24th Century, until the destruction of Romulus. And for the last decades, he had been plotting his revenge against the person responsible for it: Spock. Not our young Spock, but another older Spock. One that had promised to prevent Romulus destruction due to a black hole, and who had failed to do so, condemning his race and planet to perish. Amongst the millions of lost lives had been Nero’s wife, who had been pregnant at the time with his first child.  
Spock had destroyed everything that he held dear in this life and he had vowed to return the favour. He had grabbed his mining ship and its loyal crew and had started to chase the Vulcan across the universe, until his search had ended in a crash between their ships, which opened a space tunnel. And now, here he was, in the 23rd Century, where his planet had yet to be destroyed, but where his wife had yet to even be born. Where Spock was at his weakest, completely unaware of what was coming for him.  
He would use the same red matter that had failed to prevent the demise of his planet to destroy Vulcan. Red matter was a substance that was created through the use of decalithium, and a single drop would be enough content to create a singularity. And then he would be finally able to rest.  
He walked to the room where his most hated enemy was trapped.  
“Spock. You will finally understand what I felt when Romulus vanished because of your incompetence.”  
“Billions of lives will be lost so that you can fulfil your wish for revenge. And even then, you won’t stop until there’s nothing left standing”  
“Do not try to pin this on me” he snarled  
“What would your wife think about this?”  
“Do NOT talk about my wife. She is dead because of you.”  
“What happened with Romulus will weigh down on my soul forever. It was my fault, and you are right to take your fury out on me, but you are wrong to take it out in the universe”  
“Too little too late, Spock. I am what you made me”  
“I know. And you will always be my greatest regret”  
“Talk, talk, talk. That is all you ever do! Pretty words with nothing to back them up.” He snarled before locking the door behind him.  
How dare he try and placate him with empty platitudes? He had no idea of how much loathing he had reserved especially for him. Spock had been the one to destroy his world and now he was going to repay the favour. It was a pity that Spock’s human pet had already perished, for his death would only have sweetened his revenge. But humans were nought but frail creatures who died like flies. He had never understood the fixation everyone seemed to have with them. Vulcans, Romulans, even Klingons, were far more superior. Maybe after destroying Vulcan he could get rid of Earth as well and get rid of the cockroaches once and for all. After all, who was going to stand in his way when he had the red matter?


	8. Chapter 8

“James,  
I hope this letter finds you well. I have not found a reason behind our current predicament, yet. Our sleep seems to be the point of connection. Maybe we should start to monitor our sleep. I know that the anniversary of your father’s death is coming up, and Captain Pike informed me that there would be a ceremony, is there anything you want me to know in case I am the one who has to attend?  
My best wishes,  
Spock”

“Spock,  
I do not attend any of my father’s memorials, they are nothing more than a spectacle that Starfleet loves to put on. I like to spend the day on our family’s farm. There is no one else living there, so it is a great place where I can be alone when I need to. I read this ancient myth about how a man living in the moon would make kindred spirits swap lives so that they could grow and connect one day.  
Jim (seriously, just call me Jim, no one calls me James unless I’m in trouble, which happens more times than I want to admit)”

“Jim,  
If that is your wish, I will endeavour to address you according to your preference. You were right, the farm was very peaceful. I left some breakfast ready for you, since I assumed that you would be feeling emotional when you woke up. How was it? I am afraid that I have never done any good when it comes to cooking, but I tried to make it as edible as possible. When you say a man living in the moon, are you referring to one of the colonists currently inhabiting the Earth’s moon, or is it another moon? And how do they have the power necessary for it?  
My warmest wishes,  
Spock  
P.S. I do rather enjoy the idea of us as kindred spirits”

“Spock,  
As I said, it was just a myth, so no, there is no actual man on the moon. Were you one of those kids who believed in Santa even after growing up? Your food was fine, no need to worry(as a matter of fact, Jim had choked after eating a bite from the blackened toast, and had thrown it to the trash, but it was the thought that counted, right?) I never asked, how did your parents meet? I am sorry if it is an invasive question and you do not have to answer if you do not want to, but I was curious. Also, do Vulcans snore?  
Your friend and kindred spirit,  
Jim”  
“Jim,  
I am glad to hear that my food did not cause you any harm. I will try and see if I can make you something more complex next time, I get the chance to do so. My mother had been a teacher back on Earth and they met in a fundraising that they both attended. My father married my mother because it was the most logical action to take, as he was the Ambassador to Earth, to marry a human. Vulcans have evolved past such respiratory flaws.”

“Spock,  
I would love to meet you someday as well. Also, I do not think your father’s decision was as logical and clinical as he made it sound. I will have you know that we humans possess a very irresistible charm. That poem was wonderful, it made me slightly emotional, you know how us humans are, and Bones made fun of me, but it was worth it. What was it like growing up in Vulcan? T’Pring and Stonn seem to be great friends, how did you guys meet (you sound defensive, how can you be certain that you do not snore)?”

“Jim,  
Growing in Vulcan, as a human hybrid, was challenging. Some saw my father’s marriage as treason, a betrayal of everything we believed in as a species. And some of my peers at school had that same mentality. They used to try and bring my human side to the surface for their amusement. T’Pring was the one who got them to stop after we had a physical altercation. Stonn also fought by my side, and his parents almost forbade that we spent any more time together. As to how we came to know each other, T’Pring and I were betrothed when we were younger, before she met Stonn and chose him instead. (I do not. However, since this matter seems to be of extreme importance to you, if we ever are in close vicinities, you are welcome to test it yourself)”

“Spock,  
Wait, what? You cannot just drop that on me, man. You were betrothed?! How young were you? Also, were you hurt when T’Pring chose another one, because I would have been pissed. Then again, if it were up to me to choose between you and Stonn I would choose you without any hesitation. Your classmates sound like jerks, and I am glad that you and Stonn taught them a lesson. Were your parents mad because you got into a fight? Also, yes, I can see T’Pring being super badass and shredding those jerks emotionally. Growing up, I was left alone with my uncle Frank, who was not a nice individual. My mom never got over my father’s death and spent as much time in space as possible. Anything to get away from me. I have not seen her in almost a decade. I don't even know where she might be right now. You mom is awesome, by the way. And your father, well, I do not know him well enough to have an opinion on him. And I do not know why I told you all of this, I guess it’s because I cannot help but trust you. (I will take you up on that someday)”

“Jim,  
Your trust is reciprocated. There has never been anyone who I could be as sincere as I can be with you. I was neither hurt nor upset. Vulcans children are paired when they are seven years old. T’Pring and me seemed like the most logical match at the time, of course, once she met Stonn it became obvious that they were the most logical pairing. I am sorry to hear about your suffering. My father was most disappointed with me. My mother on the other hand, while disapproving of my violent behaviour, also let me know that standing up for myself was important. She baked me and Stonn cookies. I am aware that my mother is awesome, as you put it. My father is, well, complicated. I never understood why he decided to have me, as he has made it noticeably clear that I am a constant disappointment, and entirely too human. I believe that it was my mother’s request and he has never been able to deny her anything.”

“Spock,  
Your father has to be proud of you. I mean, have you met yourself? You are brilliant, and kind, and patient and just awesome, how could anyone be disappointed in you? And if he is, well, then he is a jerk who does not deserve you. I bet those cookies were delicious as is everything your mother cooks. Why were Stonn and T’Pring so logical together? They were children, right, why did any adult even stop to listen to them? And why are Vulcan children betrothed so young? I had never heard that arranged marriages were so common in Vulcan, but then again, you guys are quite secretive. And old-fashioned as well. I was reading Tale of two cities, when it occurred to me that I have never asked you how did you end up liking poetry so much? I mean, I know that no matter what anyone else may think, Vulcans do feel. You most of all. But I cannot imagine poetry being taught in Vulcan schools. Seems too sentimental and subjective for logical-ness (and yes, I know that that is not a word, but you know what I mean)”

“Jim,  
I thank you for your kind words. They mean a great deal to me. And you must know how highly I think of you as well, how much do I admire your intellect, how much I appreciate our chess games, and how much your letters mean to me. You are the greatest human I have ever met (my mother does not count) and I am honoured to call you my dearest friend. There are certain aspects of Vulcan physiology that makes it necessary for us to find life partners as soon as possible. And that is as much as I can tell you, it is a private matter that is not discussed even amongst Vulcans. Regarding Stonn and T’Pring, they share a special bond, one that is venerated for its rarity. I know what you mean even if you retort to creating false words to get your point across. My mother was the one who gifted me my first poetry book, which I am sure does not surprise you. As a child, I had trouble identifying my emotions and controlling them, and poetry served me as a guide to navigate them.”

“Spock,  
I am feeling kind of low right now, so I am sorry if this letter bums you out a little bit. It is at times like this that I understand the appeal of not allowing yourself to not feel emotions. They can be so painful. I wonder what my life would be like if my father had not died. My mother would still be around, and maybe we would be a happy family. I only have Bones and Pike; they are the two only people who care about me. And I know that I am extremely lucky to have them in my life, but sometimes I feel like I do not belong with anyone, that I am adrift, alone, without any real purpose.”

“Jim,  
I have strived my whole life to suppress my emotions, my half-human part has always hunted me. But you make me feel proud of it. I feel…at peace, for the first time in my life. Allowing myself to experience emotions has relieved me of a great deal of stress that I was not aware to be under and, paradoxically, has done wonders for my control.”

“Spock,  
You are just a big old sap, aren’t you? Maybe after I graduate, I can convince Pike to make a detour and visit Vulcan. What do you think would happen if we met in person? Would the swapping stop? I like walking in your shoes, but I would like it even more if I could walk beside you. I want to see your face crumple in defeat as I win yet another match of chess. I think of you as one of my dearest friends as well. Speaking of friends, what the hell are you and Bones doing to Gary Mitchell? He’s a mess and keeps muttering about how they are out to get him. He’s at the brick of a mental breakdown.”

“Jim,  
I have just been not playing at my full potential. I will win soon. Of that, I have no doubt. I do not know if Vulcan would be able to withstand Jim Kirk. But I do want to meet you in person. I enjoy our letters very much, but I think that I would enjoy our conversations even more if they were face to face. Regarding Mitchell, well, as Bones would say, karma is a bitch”

“Spock,  
Seriously you need to stop leaving your notes on my desk, Bones thinks I have a secret admirer, and has been teasing me mercilessly about it (do not stop, I like it, a lot). I am almost done with my studies, which I know that you know, but after graduation, I will board the Enterprise, so each day that passes, it is a day that we come closer. Also, I won at chess, again. You need to step up your game, your problem, as I keep telling you is that you, while brilliant, you are also predictable. Take a risk every once in a while, and you might win for a change. Also, I can’t believe Bones got you to swear, though hearing the glee in his voice as he reminisced how both of you have been tormenting Gary makes me think that you are the bad influence and not him. I certainly wouldn’t want to be on your bad side.”

“Jim,  
I will consider your words. You may be onto something. I have been meaning to ask you about Bones, particularly his name. What sort of nickname is that? Far be it from me to judge anyone but it seems rather odd. I must admit that at first, I assumed that that was the name his parents had given him. Why do you want to travel to space so badly? Have Bones’ rants against deadly flying traps not scared you off yet? I do not understand why he chose to pursue a career in Starfleet of all places.”

“Spock,  
I cannot believe that all this time you thought that Bones’ name was, well, Bones. The name his parents gave him is Leonard, Leonard McCoy. Bones was the nickname I gave him because you know he is a doctor, plus there was a really dramatic speech in which he declared that the only thing he had left were his bones. As to why he chose Starfleet, well, he had a rather nasty divorce and felt that the whole planet had been poisoned by her, but I cannot discuss any more of it with you, it is Bones’ life, after all. He is rather dramatic, isn’t he? But he is one of the most loyal and decent people I know, and he is always taking care of me and making sure that I am fine. He always has my back, no matter what. I like to think of him as an older brother, heavens know that my brother does not bother.”

“Jim,  
I cannot think of Bones as Leonard, it seems that your nickname has managed to replace the name his parents gave him. He is quite dramatic indeed, but I am grateful for all of the support that he is given to you. I was not aware that you had a brother. If it is a sensitive subject, you can of course just ignore my query.”

“Spock,  
Yes, I have a brother. An older one. His name is Sam. Well, it is George, Sam is his middle name, but he does not go by it. Remember how I said that I was forced to live with my uncle? And how he was not a nice man? Well, for some reason he hated my father, and he took it out on us. Sam had it especially hard, and when I was eleven, he decided that he had enough and ran away. Without me. I have not seen him ever since, and I do not know where he might be either. So yeah, kind of a touchy subject, but as I have said before, I trust you. More than anyone else in my life.”

“Jim,  
The more I get to know you the more and more in awe I am of how you managed to not only survive throughout as many hardships as you have, but also, you managed to thrive. You are truly remarkable, and I am more grateful with each passing day that our paths crossed. I cannot imagine how my life would differ without you in it.”


	9. Chapter 9

James had developed a routine after weeks of intermittent days of waking up on Spock’s body. He read Spock’s letter for him, which had been getting more and more personal. They sometimes contained a summary of what had happened, but most of them were about Spock. And most of his letters contained sappy details about his life that he had never shared with anyone, not even with Bones after having one too many drinks. Now that he thought about it, it had been ages since the last time he had set foot into a bar. He had little free time, what with spending day yes day not in Vulcan, and playing catch up with his own life. He had not spent much time with either Bones or Pike these days. Maybe it was time for him and Pike to have lunch, a nice burger and milkshake with a side of good conversation.  
Decided, he changed into his Starfleet uniform and went to Pike’s office, where his secretary gave him a cheerful smile before letting him in.  
“Hey old man, you up for some burgers?”  
“Who are you calling old, you brat?”, Pike playfully choked him with an arm.  
“Okay, okay, I was wrong! You are the pinnacle of youth and vitality.” He laughed.  
“That’s what I thought,” he said smugly “Now you said something about burgers? I see that today you are not feeling in the mood for the rabbit food you have been making me eat lately.”  
“Nah, I thought you deserved a treat.”  
“Let us be on our way, then”  
“Let’s”  
They walked side by side in companionable silence until they reached their destination.  
“So, what have you been up to lately, kid? I haven’t been seeing that much of your hideous face in my office?” he was teased.  
“Oh, not much” just, you know, magically switching bodies with a stranger on another planet, just your average day.  
“Bones would disagree with you, something about a secret admirer?”  
“I don’t have a secret admirer; how many times do I have to tell him that?! Also, don’t you have anything better to talk about than me?”  
“You are very touchy for someone who claims that nothing is going on.”  
“It’s because there isn’t, and you guys keep insisting on it.”  
“What about those mysterious letters of yours then? Bones said that you smile like a fool whenever you read them”  
“I regret so much introducing you two right now, they are not letters…they are just class notes. Nothing more”  
“And you expect me to believe that?”  
“It’s the truth!” well, not really.  
“Here are your orders! A double cheeseburger with fries for you and a quarter pounder with cheese with bacon fries for you! Enjoy your meal and if you want to order anything else, let me know!” they were interrupted by the cheery waiter.  
“Thanks” they grumbled in unison.  
Jim had a couple of minutes of tranquillity while Pike’s attention was on the burger and his bacon fries before he was being put under interrogation again.  
“So, you are saying that every day, you read or write notes that just make you smile like a besotted fool”  
“I am not besotted!” he was not, he and Spock were just friends, great friends, like him and Bones were.  
“Well” Pike sighed, defeated “If you ever want to talk about it or anything else you know my door is always open for you.”  
“I know. Thanks, Chris” he was so grateful for whatever it was that the older man had seen in him that had prompted him to challenge Jim and push him to be better.  
“Your graduation is coming up soon. Got any plans for it” he changed the subject.  
“Not really, Bones doesn’t graduate until next semester, so we’ll probably just watch a movie or something like that” that was if he even was in his body during the day of the ceremony.  
“Exciting plans, I see” he poked fun, “I was on the phone earlier and they think that in two months the enterprise will be ready for its maiden voyage”  
“Really?!” That was exciting news.  
“Yes really, and I talked with Admiral Marcus and he said that he could not see any problems with you being part of my crew”  
“What will our first mission be?”  
“We are on a recognition mission, just exploring uncharted territory outside the Federation space”  
“Do you think we could, maybe, I don’t know, stop by Vulcan?”  
“Vulcan? Why?”  
“Oh, I just have been reading some books about it and it seems like an interesting place”  
“Well, alright, I’ll see what I can do. Consider it my graduation gift for you.”  
“Thank you so much, Chris! It means a lot for me!”, he could not wait until he told Spock.  
“You’re welcome, kid. Now, let us head back to the Academy, you have classes tomorrow.”  
“You realise that I am an adult, right? I ‘m not a kid with a curfew”  
“No, you’re not, but you tend to get grumpy when you don’t get enough sleep. And no one wants a grumpy Jim Kirk, we have enough with a regular Bones”  
Back in his room, Jim grabbed the box where he had carefully stashed the letters Spock had written to him and re-read them for what had to be the hundredth time.


	10. Chapter 10

“Spock,  
I have great news! Pike said that he would try to stop in Vulcan as a graduation present. To think that we will finally be able to meet! I cannot wait! Also, both him and Bones are convinced now that I have a secret admirer and the more, I try to deny it the more they take it as a confirmation. So, I have let it slide, in the hopes that they will just forget about it, though I am highly doubtful, they can be rather stubborn at times, especially when it comes to annoying me. Still, even that pales in comparison with us finally seeing each other. What about you? When are you finishing your schooling at the VSA? And what would you like to do afterwards”

“Jim,  
It gladdens me enormously to hear that you are visiting Vulcan. I cannot wait until we meet each other face to face either. I have at least one year left here at the VSA, and I would like to finish my paper on antimatter before I graduate. As to what I plan to do afterwards, I confess that I am at a loss. I had always envisioned a path for my future, but during these past months that path seems less and less desirable.”

“Spock,  
I am sure you will manage to finish it on time, you are brilliant! What do you mean? What were your original plans? Also, if you noticed that my body is tired recently it is because I have not been sleeping that well. I keep having this dream about a flock of murderous ducks. And yes, I am aware that is a rather childish fear, but it has been a recurring nightmare I have had since I was three years old and a duck bit me. To this day, I cannot come anywhere near them.”

“Jim,  
I do not think that you are familiar with the process of Kolinahr. It is a process that allows us to purge all emotions to live our lives in the most Vulcan way. Having fought for acceptance my whole life it seemed like the next logical step to take. However, as I mentioned I have begun to consider other paths, since I realised that there already are people who accept me. You, my mother, T’Pring, Stonn. I would never dare to judge any of your fears, no matter how unfounded they may be. I must confess that I happen to not be overly fond of bees, for one stung me on the tongue when I was a child as well. My tongue never fully recovered.”

“Spock,  
What do you mean purge all of your emotions? You cannot do that! They are part of you! Part of what makes you special, and to see you give that up would be … it would break my heart. I cannot begin to understand what it is like to be half human half Vulcan, and neither one of those at the same time. You are a miracle Spock, something unique and wonderful, and if you got rid of your emotions, you would be ordinary. And I do understand wanting to be normal, to not stand out. Being different can hurt. But if you and I were just two ordinary beings, we would have never met. We would never have known how wonderful our lives could be. I know what it is like to feel like you do not belong, but you and me Spock, we belong together. We are the stuff of legends. Have you ever considered maybe joining Starfleet? Think about it. You and me, roaming the universe, discovering new planets, living exciting adventures. You could be my first officer once I am captain! Think about it! Maybe you will find more answers about your research! Just promise me that you will think about all the options before undergoing an emotional lobotomy. Please, Spock.”

“Jim,  
I admit that there is a certain appeal in exploring the universe beside you. Just the idea of it sent a rush of excitement through my brain, and I cannot recall the last time that I felt anything like it. I had indeed considered Starfleet as another option in case I was not admitted into the VSA, but I ultimately was accepted and since both T’Pring and Stonn choose to attend the VSA as well, I put whatever thoughts I had about joining Starfleet behind me. Normalcy has indeed been my goal for as long as I can remember. But you are right, if we were ordinary, our paths would not have crossed, and that would have been a tragedy. What made you so certain about your wish of being a captain in Starfleet? Is it to honour your father’s memory or for another reason altogether? I think that you are right, we could accomplish extraordinary things working together. The idea of being your first officer is alluring, I will admit that. I promise that I will think about whether or not I should go forward with the ceremony of Kolinahr, though as I mentioned it before, I have grown more and more reticent of the idea as our correspondence has been growing. You have my word that I will give all my options the proper and careful consideration that they deserve.”

“Spock,  
I am so relieved to hear, or, well, read, that you are reconsidering undergoing the emotional lobotomy. For the longest time I ran away from my father’s memory, convinced that all I would ever get to be was being the Kelvin baby and so I decided that since I could not change that, I wouldn’t try to do anything with my life either. What was the point? And so, I faded into a state of deep apathy, getting into fights, and just wasting my life away. It was after one of those fights that I met Pike and he pushed me to join Starfleet, and to do better than my father. He made me see that I could flip the narrative and flip being George Kirk’s son into him being Jim Kirk’s father. I do not know if that makes sense, but I realised that I could not only escape from his ever-present shadow, but also make it so that he became a mere footnote on my story instead of the title. I have always had a knotted ball of emotions when it comes to him. There is some resentment for leaving, even if I know it was not his fault. Some respect and admiration, after all, he was a hero. There is some longing, I have always wondered what my life would have been like if he had not died, what it would have been growing up with a family. When I was a kid, I used to fantasize about him not being dead after all, just very injured, and that he had been recovering and that one day, he would finally be all right and he’d come and rescue me from Frank and mom and Sam would come back and everything would be perfect. But that never happened. There is some grief too, is it possible to mourn someone you never met? It seems foolish but there is a part of me that grieves his death. He was so young when he died too. In less than a decade I will be older than he ever got to be, and I don’t know how that makes me feel either”

“Jim,  
I am honoured that you trust me enough to confide something so delicate to me. I think that is not only completely valid, but also quite understandable that you mourned your father. Even if you never had the chance to meet him, he still was your father, someone who has been missing in your life. I do not doubt that you will be the greatest captain Starfleet has ever seen. You have a brilliant mind, great at strategy as our games of chess have proven, you are kind, and considerate, which are qualities that I wish were more common. You are resourceful as well, and so very ingenious. Your name will be written down in history, and I am certain that your father will be a small paragraph in the chapter that will be dedicated to your impressive career. My relationship with my father is…lukewarm seems like the most accurate way to describe it. At this point, we are strangers to one another, despite all of my mother’s efforts. And I cannot picture that changing anytime soon. I thought that I had come to terms with it, but I have found myself to be unsettled and unsure as to the reason behind it whenever I try to picture his reaction to me choosing to join Starfleet. I fear that this will be the breaking point in our understating of each other. And you read it right, after careful thinking I have concluded that Starfleet is the most adequate path for me to pursue out of all the ones that are open to me at this point. There is a month left in my current plan of studies at the VSA, and from what my enquiries have yielded, I need to complete a year of basic training at Starfleet Academy before I could be cleared for duty. How long will your mission with Captain Pike last? Any words of advice that you would like to share with me about Starfleet? Also, how did Bones manage to have such a behaved child? She is delightful, and having met his ex-wife, the most logical explanation leads me to adoption, but she does have his eyes.”

“Spock,  
I trust you completely, more than I have ever trusted anyone else. Part of me is scared shitless because of it, but I am mostly…relieved. I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my soul. There is something so liberating about knowing that I can confide anything to you, without any fear for judgement. If my name goes down in history so will yours, right next to mine. Starfleet is more elitist and prejudiced than what you would expect from it, so you will need a thick skin to deal with all of the jerks. There are a lot of great people as well, so it balances itself out. I sometimes also have an uneasy feeling about some of the admirals in charge, what with the rising tensions between Starfleet and Klingons that have been happening lately. It feels like some of them are too eager for a war. And only murderers and fools want wars, so either there’s killers amongst the interplanetary organism meant to preserve peace or it is filled with incompetents. I know which option I would rather, but I have seen enough of the world to know that it is the first one. If Admiral Marcus requests to talk alone with you, try to shrug him off, use Chris if you need to. And if you cannot avoid it remain as noncommittal as possible. Do not agree to anything he may offer you, no matter how tempting it may sound. I do not trust him, and neither does Chris. I cannot believe that you are finally coming to San Francisco only for me to leave on my mission with Chris. It has a routine maintenance mission, nothing too exciting, and it will last only six months, after which I will be back to Earth while the Enterprise undergoes some updates. This mission is supposed to be a test to see how she does out in the open. Next time you meet with Chris you should ask him to let you see her. She is the most beautiful lady I have ever laid my eyes upon (but you are prettier so there is no need to be jealous). If your father cannot accept your choice, then that is on him, not you. You cannot live your whole life trying to please him, especially if, as you said, it never works. You have your mother, and you have me. Have you told T’Pring about your change in plans? She was quizzing me about it the other day and I may have let something slip. You know how scary she can be. Also, I will be taking a simulator test as part of my final exams, and I am nervous but excited about it. It will be another step closer to our dream of being on a spaceship together!”


	11. Chapter 11

“Isn’t it obvious?! Kirk cheated!”  
“Yes, we’ve all heard your opinion by now, Marcus. Sit down and let someone else speak!”  
“Let you talk, you mean? This is partially your fault as well, Pike. We all know you have a soft spot for the boy. You’ve gotten him out of every mess he created and now he’s unable to respect the barest of rules. Like not cheating!”  
“How can we be sure that he did cheat though? We don’t know how exactly did he manage to alter the simulation and it was never specified that it could not be altered”  
“Oh, shut it, Archer, you’re as bad as Pike is!”  
“Marcus, you’re forgetting yourself.”   
Chastised at Nomura’s words, he tilted his head in acknowledgement before resuming his protest, though more calmly this time.  
“Look, we all know that he did cheat. Is how he did it of any relevance to determine his punishment?”  
“Woah, there! Punishment? How can we punish him when we’re not even certain that he committed a punishable offence!?”  
“Oh, please! No one has ever passed the simulation. The Kobayashi Maru was designed specifically to be unbeatable and we’re supposed to believe that Kirk of all people managed it? Besides, you all saw how nonchalant he was during the Maru’s attack. Not to mention, this is the third time he tried to complete the simulation.”  
“What do you mean Kirk of all people?” the people around the table exchanged nervous glances, very aware of Pike’s overprotective tendencies when it came to the boy he had practically adopted. “What is that supposed to mean?”  
“Oh, you know. He’s, well, Kirk” the nervous glances increased as Pike opened his mouth, ready to eviscerate the unfortunate soul dumb enough to insult Jimmy in his presence.  
“Maybe we should talk with the student in question before making any rash decisions?” Admiral Bennet intervened, taking pity on the poor cleaning crew who’d have to clean the blood from the walls.  
“That does seem rather sensible” agreed another Admiral before either Pike or Marcus could protest.  
The student in question was in his room, reeling from the latest letter that Spock had written after he had informed him of his plan to alter the simulation.  
“James,  
I fail to see the logic behind such actions. The purpose of the Kobayashi Maru is to teach you to accept that death is unavoidable and how to prepare oneself to accept it with the poise required by a commanding officer. This is a concept that I thought you would be familiar with, given the nature of your father’s demise. Moreover, I find that it could be considered a violation of the ethical code that you are entrusted with upholding once you become part of Starfleet. I request that you reconsider the path you intend to partake.”  
Not only had Spock made his disapproval known, but he had also used his father to do it. Both of them had complicated relationships with their fathers. Something that, until that point, he had assumed it gave them something else in common. But maybe he’d been wrong, so desperate to find someone that would get him that he projected what he’d needed onto the other. For Spock to throw George Kirk’s fate at him… Well, it had only fueled his desire to blast that tortuous test to pieces. It was not a valuable lesson, it was emotional manipulation.   
He knew that everyone thought that this was about his ego, but it was not. It was about a thirteen-year-old Jimmy who’d been told, alongside with another two thousand people, that their lives did not matter, that they were not worthy of keeping breathing, that the only value they possessed was death. A thirteen-year-old Jimmy whose voice had been rendered hoarse by the dreams of horror and pain as the shooting began. It was about drowning in a sea of dead bodies, before crawling his way out.  
Defining death as inevitable, even when it was not natural, was an insult to the memory of those who had not had the privilege of receiving a peaceful one, to the people who’d been cornered by circumstances that escaped their control, George Kirk amongst them.   
For the first time in months, Jim stored the letter without writing a reply.


	12. Chapter 12

The alarm pierced the air, making everyone attending the hearing of James Kirk wince.  
“Something’s happened”, muttered Pike, before instructing him to follow.  
The uneasy feeling that had, no matter how illogical it was, settled in the back of his mind since waking up that morning. He also just knew that James was involved somehow. What was not in any of the scenarios he had conjectured in the ten-minute walk behind Pike was the destruction of Vulcan.  
“We received a distress signal from Vulcan about fifteen minutes ago.” informed them a grim-faced Admiral “There seems to be an earthquake magnitude 11. All available ships will be departing during the next hour to help evacuate as many as possible. All graduates and last year cadets will be deployed. We need as many hands on deck as possible.”  
“Permission to board under your command Captain” hastened to ask Spock, pushing the turmoil that the news had created towards the darkest part of his mind.  
“Permission granted, cadet”  
Despite being filled with overwhelmingly hormonal and emotional beings, Starfleet’s military efficiency managed to get ships up and running towards Vulcan in mere minutes.  
Aboard the newly finished Enterprise Spock was on the bridge, sitting behind Captain Pike, and trying to use his PADD to connect with James. This was a clear emergency, so a breach in the protocols they had established to communicate was justifiable.  
“Who the hell are you calling in the middle of this pandemonium, kid?!”  
“I have a… contact in Vulcan. I want to get first-hand information about the situation there, sir”  
“Go ahead, then”, Pike gestured to the big screen.  
Hesitating slightly, Spock introduced the sequence code necessary to establish contact with his PADD.  
“S…Jim!” wide-eyed James corrected himself when he realised that they were not alone.  
“Spock” addressing his face was bizarre. “We have received Vulcan’s distress signal,” he wanted to ask after James’ wellbeing, wanting to reassure himself that the other man was in optimal physical condition, but he could not let his control slip, he would not be able to regain it, “What seems to be the nature of the anomaly you are experiencing.”  
“It seems as if there was an earthquake in the centre of the planet, and it’s causing the planet to fold in itself”  
“Two spaceships were sent ahead of us, do you know how the evacuation efforts are progressing?”  
“We have not received any news about any Starfleet ships.” His voice held a worried edge.  
The crew still behind them, with Captain Pike, reaching his command ordering the rest of the spaceships in the headquarters to stand.  
“Are you certain of this?”  
“I’ll go find Sa-my father and you can confirm it yourself. He was about to go to an emergency council meeting, but I think he’s still around.”  
“Ambassador Sarek” addressed Pike respectfully once his father’s face appeared on the screen. “Can you confirm that you have not received any signals from nearing Starfleet ships?”  
“I do confirm it, Captain. Am I to understand that there have been spaceships already deployed to assist us?”  
“Exactly, and the fact that you were not aware of them is worrying, to say the last.”  
“I concur with your assessment, Cap…”  
“It’s not an anomaly, sir!” chimed in James “Vulcan is under attack, and the Romulans are behind it”  
“And on what have you based your” Sarek arched an eyebrow in a rare display of emotion “theory.”  
“The same readings that are being recollected now” James sent a copy of said readings “detected the presence of an unknown energy. Except that this energy is not entirely unknown. Its presence was detected during another time as well.” he took a deep breath “That was during the attack on the USS Kelvin. That energy was coming from the ship that attacked. The ships possessed advanced and foreign technology and escaped, to never be seen again. Captain Pike, I read your dissertation on the subject, you know I’m right”  
“You seem to be quite knowledgeable about the fate of the USS Kelvin. Which is peculiar considering you have never expressed any interest in it previously. Your theory does have some merit to it, I will admit that. But your lack of control worries me, first the use or contractions” he spat the word out, or well, to be more accurate, he made a slight emphasis on the word, “and now the emotional attachment you seem to have formed to an event that occurred over two decades ago. I do not think we can trust your judgment on this subject.”  
His father’s assessment did not surprise Spock. He could see Pike hesitating, torn between believing James’ assessment and his father’s harsh words.  
The image shook as the ground trembled. They did not have time to convince his father. The only option would be to inform him of their current situation. He had not expected to have to do this in front of an unknown crew, but it was the most efficient step to take.  
“That is because he is not Spock” he held his progenitor’s gaze “I am. Besides you is Cadet James Tiberius Kirk. Our consciences have been exchanging places during the last 97.38 days.”  
He ignored the commotion his words caused behind him and focused on meeting his father’s gaze.  
“T’hy’ la” Sarek whispered.  
The term was vaguely familiar to Spock, but he could not place it.  
“What’s that?”  
“The t’hy’ la bond is a rare connection that forms between two individuals destined for greatness. It can take many forms, friends, brothers, lovers” there was a slight green tinge on Spock’s face at that last word, and Spock himself felt his human ears getting warmer, “The last known T’hy’ la bond was during First Contact.”  
“What mess have you gone and got yourself into this time Jimmy?” chimed in Pike.  
“I swear it wasn’t my fault…this time” the grin slipped off his face as another, more intense tremble made him stumble.  
“Right” determined, Captain Pike, reached his comm “Attention everyone, Vulcan is under attack. The perpetrators seem to be the same ones behind the Kelvin’s attack. Shields up and be prepared to defend yourselves. Warp in 3, 2, 1!”  
Spock was jerked against his chair due to the strength of the warp.  
“USS Farragut, take the rest of the fleet and coordinate with Ambassador Sarek for the evacuation process.”  
“Received, Pike”  
“The Enterprise will take care of the attackers.”  
“Spock be careful” pleaded James.  
“I request that you show the same restraint, James”  
They shared a nod before closing their channel of communication.  
“Let’s do this”  
“Yes, sir”  
“Lieutenant, thrusters up. Spock, see if you can locate any Romulans ships.”  
After setting up the ships’ scans, he concentrated in detecting any anomalies in the vicinity of the planet.  
On said planet, Jim Kirk was on the front of the action, dividing the population and making sure that they were boarding as many ships as possible,  
“Mister Kirk” he was approached by Sarek, “While I appreciate your organisational skills, the council requested your presence. My wife will relieve you from your duties”  
“Ma’am” he inclined his head respectfully.  
“None of that! Call me Amanda” she hesitated before adding, “Or you can still call me mother, I would be honoured.”  
Jim swallowed the knot of emotions.  
“Now go! I will make sure that everyone is evacuated properly.” She and Sarek did some weird hand-holding, to which the Vulcans in the vicinity gasped about.  
Then came the fight, and the rush to ensure everyone’s safety, but after that came later. 

Later, once Nero was stopped, Spock’s breath hitched when he saw those familiar blue eyes, looking fondly at him. 

“Can I take you up in your offer to see if you snore now?”


	13. Wonderful art by @justpostspirk !!

Wonderful art by the magnificent [ @justpostspirk](https://justpostspirk.tumblr.com/).

Here's [their tumblr post showcasing the amazing pieces seen bellow](https://justpostspirk.tumblr.com/post/622674639753297920/pathos-chapter-1-asterous-arariel-star)

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to thank my incredible artist Draven[ @justpostspirk](https://justpostspirk.tumblr.com/%5D))  
> for gracing my fic with their incredible art. I also wanted to thank the organizers of the Bang for all of the effort they put into it.  
> (I'm not completely satisfied with the end result, so it's possible that in the near future I'll alter some details/parts of the story)


End file.
